And there's more...

And there is no more.

2007-11-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

When you draw your line, you've got to be prepared to defend your flanks. If your enemy finds a way around, your position and tactics are compromised. There are a number of strategies you can employ at this point, you can look them up if you want, but suffice to say the bulk of these lead to retreat. Then you regroup and restage to reform a more defensible line.

Unfortunately, however, if that keeps up for long, you reach a place where there is no exit. All your lines are gone and somebody else is doing the drawing. If you surrender, you might be tolerated. If you resist, are a criminal.

There is really no limit to how far it can go. Everything you think that has value only has value here and now and only because you are there to give it value. The value is not the thing itself, but your perception of the thing.

It can all be lost forever like a kite in the wind.

Sleep and eat. That's what I'm supposed to do. All the while I'm being endlessly hounded by countless minions of policy with the triple-press forms of death. Sign here, initial that, give us the right to banish my cat. Miss one question, or check the wrong box, include the wrong receipt, and my coverage is canceled. I can refuse but my coverage will be canceled. If I get agitated we won't feel safe and I will get arrested and my coverage will be canceled. And after the policy review, for some reason unbeknownst, my coverage might be canceled. I might consider getting a lawyer or that is it: I am out of the system.

Just so, I can get the drugs, that keep me alive, but can't make me well - in fact they make me feel sick. I have to go to the doctor to get the right drugs, and I have to go to the lab so he can measure the results. Then back to the pharmacy to pick up another script, or not. Repeat for 30 years.

Swoosh.

Become one or die and be one. You figure it out.

X-mas Redux

2007-10-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

For months Mom has been trying to get me to set a date for a trip home this Christmas. I didn't get to go the last couple of years, so she has a point. I actually promised her back on Mothers Day that I would "make it happen".

Well today she called and it turns out my sister-in-law has "scheduled" to have her 3rd baby right in the middle of November! Oh that is such wonderful news!! I am so glad everything is OK. So have I made any plans to go home yet? No, Mom, I haven't really thought about it this week. "Well, I guess that's for probably for the best since it will just be so crazy around here."

The truth is that they don't want me anywhere near the newborn. There is an infinitesimal chance that I could infect the baby with pneumonia. Suddenly, science sounds all rational. I'm sure it's best for everybody. I really do understand.

So let me be the first to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas! Shit that's going to take a lot more practice.

Republicans Hate Children

2007-09-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

I just saw Trent Lott (R - Mississippi) glibly condemn 60,000 kids from his own fucking state to suffer needlessly and quite possibly die.

The president wants to remove 100,000 MORE children from SCHIP. I'm sure it's about some principal or another.

All they really care about is themselves.

American Health Care

2007-08-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

What could be worse than living through your brain being eaten away from the inside???

What can't think of anything? How about being blind and having cancer and being thrown off your balcony because it is too expensive to pay for your care.

Even death will not end the pathetic and meaningless posturing and judgement. A Navy Vet, nonetheless.

I really am tired of this world. I don't know how to say that any clearer.

AAA Slime

2007-07-31T03:06:00.000-07:00

For some reason, the markets are all confused. On paper, the economy looks fine. All the people who make their living in finance are making money hand-over fist. So, by their beloved Reaganomics, they "trickle it down" to us consumer grade folk and we're all obviously living large.

Oh except those gross subprimes. Those lazy bastards who actually believed the refi marketing hype. But now they be overextended and can't pay they notes, and shit. But don't you worry, the goldilocks economy is doing great! The market is higher than ever! Just look at these numbers!

Wait, now, I can explain. Some of the A Lines are, well, defaulting. Well, more than usual, in fact, maybe a lot more. No big deal, everybody relax, it only means that we have to readjust everybody's credit rating, just a little bit, down.

It only means that more people than ever will have bad credit or no credit at all. Our economy is based on profits, not credit - right?!

I look at it this way: I could have been a AAA Line guy. I could have the credit collectors calling about that $30 million dollar loan, remember?! How do you plan to pay that back exactly, Jack? Have you had these assets recently appraised, Jack?

But this does not mean that the economy is ill. Stop saying that! Sure there are some inequalities, but only for the stupid people, really. We've got to thin the heard. It's only nature. It will all work out eventually. You know, status quo.

Right now it looks like gas could raise up to $4.50 before it really began to "adversely affect demand". Hence, $4.50 becomes the target price, since that is what the market will bear. So when you see the gas at $4.44, and you start to wonder in your mind how your going to stop using so much gasoline, remember I told you today, it's too late. You can do something right now. You can move your demand curve. Not a gesture, nor token, nor misdirected rage. Just make a simple plan. A simple way to cut down on the gas you need, forever. Combining trips, a different route, a carpool on Tuesdays, sell your car, be creative. When the price of gas falls back to $3.44, you keep the plan going. Find better and better ways. Improve your generous yield. Grow your human capital. Reinvest the dividend of your fine time.

Care for the plants and animals. Care for the birds and the fishes. Care for the children and their mothers. Care for the sisters and the brothers. Care for the sick and the needy. Care for the friends and the enemies. Care for the men and their weary souls. Care for all this and care for all of us.

The ability to care is a fundamental part of the true gift of being human. It's risky, but don't give up on it. They may seem little or insignificant but so what they're your cares. Just care good, you only get one shot.

Medco + Walgreens = Death

2007-07-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

“Medcations that you need for more that 3 months are considered "maintenance medications" and are not covered by your prescription insurance.”

You know, one dude gets messed up in fighting dogs and everybody has condemned him to "a special place in hell". You christians can be so colorful in your language.

Yet when men fight each other we turn it into a reality TV show.

When a soulless corporate abstraction determines they could save a buck by making me suffer - it's not wrong. "We" have a law that makes that a requirement for them to try and make a profit off our fears of getting sick. Of course when you do finally get sick (and you ALL WILL GET SICK) you are no longer covered.

Stupid Americans. The price of gas will never go down. You will get sick before you get rich.

HEALTH INSURANCE IS MURDER

Monster Hoax

2007-05-31T01:11:00.000-07:00

Damn, well, I've seen some big ugly pigs, but nothing quite like that.

If there is one single word that most accurately describes this world it's "unfortunate".

Y'all have fun.

Monster Pig

2007-05-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

The military component of the Iraq "invasion" was completely successfully within the first 3 months of the effort. The troops have done their job and I am proud of them. Their leaders have created the worst America I have ever dared to imagine.

I have given up my rights to have a private phone call, my rights to keep my medical history private, my rights to congregate in public, my rights to free speech, my guarantee to my pursuit of happiness, my rights to self-determination, my rights to travel freely, the list just goes on and on and on.

But give up, even for security, even in the slightest degree, my right to "Bear Arms" - why that's just unamerican. Your child may not know anything about physics or calculus or microbiology, save the truths of Genesis, and certainly not anything about civics or geography, but you better believe they know all about shooting, killing and breeding. And all about all forms of assault weapons. Monsters are vicious.

Somebody shoot some goats, it sparks outrage and a reward. A elementary school kid kills a pig and he's some sort of hero?

Whatever, America. God will save you.

You are either for war or against war.
A vote for war is a vote for death.

Whales, Goats, and Kids

2007-05-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

There's a hero, a reward and an fucking tragedy.

I can't help but notice a slight difference in these stories. One of these is a block away from me. The other two are far more important to everybody here. I guess some animals are worth the effort.

Whales stressed, suffering

15 goats, used for fire control in Oakland hills, shot dead

Teen shooting victim dies at S.F. General

But "that's the system we have", and so that is the system we will get.

Horny Like An Old, Old, Old, Wolf

2007-05-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

.... More of this kind of camoflauge more than just color and shape
Who's going now

Moral Certitude

2007-05-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Nothing I have ever seen on live TV was ever quite so offensive as the people of South Carolina cheering and applauding for torture. Yuck. That is fucking perverted. I'd rather watch actual torture?

I can't believe the republicans with their sacrilege 11th commandment are actually torturing the distinguished Senator McCain to brainwash him and get him to say that he thinks torture is acceptable. Commie bastards!

The vile judgement of FOX anchor people who seem unanimous that even stopping to think about it is somehow giving into evil. Oh the irony in FOX trying to get the public to want torture. Maybe they can have a reality show where contestants vie to be the best torturer, sponsored by HEAD-ON. Of course, we'd all watch to see the ones who just butcher the audition.

No wonder people need drugs to relax, drugs to sleep, drugs to wake up, drugs to make it through, drugs to make it stop, drugs to keep you going. You people need to buy more drugs. Do whatever you want to anybody else, and ask your doctor for Jacktopiaset. Side effect may include blindness, insanity, and a runny soul.

Violent Cheeseburgers

2007-05-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

There is no "Wendy's" restaurant in all of San Francisco. Once there was a bunch, especially downtown, then they all closed up and changed their slogan to "Do what tastes Right." Apparently the BiggeE fries don't taste right enough in this county. Here is the YouTube: Wendy's Femmes Anomaly

Hey you know what bands need money too. It's stupid not to dock your boat in the corporate bay. The corporate economy is doing great!! What's even better is that some lazy ass gen-xers got paid to convince them that putting this crazy music in the background broadens their target market. In reality it makes them appear insane.

I mean the BeeGees for Keiser? Yikes. The Advertising Industry continues to shoot itself in a panic over the internet. You can hardly find any product without some superhuman justification or "simulated" results. Unless of course, it's coming from a fictional character, in which case all things are possible. I know when I'm in a serious accident and can't work I'm supposed to look for a duck to take care of me.

Meanwhile, the products themselves are minimized and cost-cut into ever increasing profit margins. More and more pressure exists every day maximize the revenue streams. If a big company is doing great it usually means they are getting the maximum exploitation from their potential receptacles.

We have the technology right now to provide food, health care, shelter, clothing, and information to every human being. We don't even try.

"I'd stop the world and melt instead of living that nightmare capitalist fantasy."
"I'm high as a kite and I just might stop and vomit up a fascist heavy on the pig."

OK yea whatever. Now get back to work poser!

The Love Generation

2007-04-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Anybody with a gun is dangerous.
Anybody with a gun is a threat.
No amount of background checks,
No amount of training,
No amount of licensing,
will bring those bullets back.

But then again, we all know that. Defend yourself.

Obviously the solution here is to require all students to purchase and carry a firearm. Certainly, that would prevent the sort of tragedies we see today. Probably everybody should have one because tragedies don't just happen at school.

Now, in the greatest of all ironies, the "Pro-Lifers" will stand and sing in unison "Glory to Gun on the Highest and on Earth, Peace and good hunting towards men!"

Can I get a pop-pop?

Data: I need a hero

2007-04-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

Jack DaBamb

2007-03-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

It just seems to me that the idea that we "fight them over there" so we don't have to "fight them over here" is fundamentally weak. It's like saying “We'll have the party at the neighbors house because I just got my furniture arranged the way I like it. Now be a sugar and bring my semi-automatic high-powered disabled bird stabilizer. I want to exercise my morality before I go back to engineering righteousness.”

I think what we learned on September 11th was that Americans will not be terrorized on our own soil - or in our skys. We would vote to take down our own plane ourselves rather than let a madman possibly kill thousands more. That is just day one. The tip of the iceberg. We love our home and we will protect and defend it.

That is the message I believe we should be sending the terrorist: in OUR country, freedom wins.

Our current posture in Iraq is a primary factor in the problem manifest. We say the very fabric of our own security is threatened, yet presently our National Guard is occupied with far away affairs. If changing the posture will demonstrably help everybody, what is the hold up? Ego?

What right really do we have to go "over" anywhere and declare American Martial Law? Iraq is no threat. Iran is no threat. How fucking fragile is our republic if these little skeeters can bring us down? And again, if it really is so fucking fragile and fucking precious, shouldn't the fucking Army be here to hella fucking defend it?

If I saw a terrorist on the cable car I would act. I know I'm not the only liberal faggot San Franciscan who would. It seems that any average American is braver than the entire executive branch and their cronies combined. Mr. President, ENOUGH ALREADY.

It aught to be a crime to district all our minds from the truth at hand and our happiness plans. Truth is life.

Terrorist Bold

2007-02-28T13:56:00.000-08:00

How do you beat the United States Military?

You hit them in the cohesion, and you pound until you reach their precious, little, morale. You don't have to have any weapons or even true intent, just resolve to observe reality. Everyone is capable of, and probably guilty of, this treasonous debauchery except of course true Republicans.

The "Divine Right" in simply incapable of knowingly sinning. Even in such a rare and impossible circumstance where they might have, uh, made better choices, oh yes such weakness is the direct result of their wretched humanity which is instamatically nullified upon repentance. Sadly, the "Divine Left" is equally as "touched" and equally convinced of their own righteousness.

Seriously, why don't people scoff when in just 3 weeks an evangelical minster goes from white party troll hole "back" to perfect child of god. Oh wait, people do scoff, and nobody believes him. Just imagine what happens if his blood work comes back reactive! Seriously, sad.

Terrorism is relative and comes in every shape, size, density, latitude, and sort. It also comes in every variety of good and evil. Is Luke Skywalker a terrorist?

Terrorist fight. That is their nature, and their weakness. It is nothing new: a pack of wolves can terrorize a bear. Can you stop a wolf from being a wolf? Hell no. Would the wolves rather kill cows? Hell yes. Is a wolf a terrorist? Hell superposition.

These human terrorist are fighting for the dominion of our souls. I know it sounds dramatic but it's true. The problem is, "us" non-terrorist also happen to have a "DOS" claim. Now I know that we espouse "freedom" of religion, but only as long as your "beliefs" don't threaten our stake, see. But you can't wage WAR with the United States military for God. That would be crazy.

But the Vice-President himself "emboldened" the terrorist to bomb a US Military base he was visiting. The terrorist bombed the place just because he was there. "Unfortunately" the greater analogy was lost on our leadership. Not even reality can infringe on their enthusiasm for WAR. Of course, HE probably won't go back, but that's just a security issue.

I am slowly realizing that the emptiness I feel is not coming from inside. I find it in our leadership, where power and money are an end in themselves. I find it in our philosophy which seems reactive and rehashed. I find it in our language that seems destined for lingoistic oblivion. I find it in our economy which could (will) all become worthless in a few seconds - because of how somebody, somewhere, feels about a glitch in something. I find it in our dreams and desires - all cleverly crafted by campaigns to manipulate, exploit, and sustain want. I find it in the prescribed solution - to wallow on your belly for your deity. I find it in our science, which serves ONLY profit as master (R)(TM)(C)(P). I find it in our law, which delivers policy as justice. I find it in our art, which seems to be done. I find it in our relationships, where shallow is real progress. I find it in our fight which "regretfully" we must pursue with all necessary force until somebody offers "a better solution". I find it in our rhetoric which is one big spider-hole.

For some reason today I am alive with the fullness of the transcendental emptiness that is humanity. The monster in me sees this whole thing "filled" with tragically empty hilariousness. No wonder Jerry Springer is rich. David Letterman will never run out of stupid human tricks. Ha Ha Ha, HA HA HA, Ha Ha Ha.

You know what's really funny? You know what makes us really different? Nothing. We're all different like blades of grass. Why can't we all just mow along? You whack my weed, I'll whack yours.

Hmmmm. Let's see, locked in place, restrained, confined, observed, trapped, misled, ignored. Exactly who doesn't feel this way? Since we aren't precisely sure about true Dominion, imprisonment of the soul will have to do.

"All I wanted was a Pepsi." And now I understand: that is crazy.

Brand Name Faith

2006-09-28T03:16:00.000-07:00

God knows that everybody in Hollywood, (and more generally California) is going straight to hell. I mean, we hear it all the time from the purveyors of righteousness. But you know, some of those "Jesus" movies have some remarkable profit margins. Let's face it, they will kill Jesus over and over and over again, as long as you keep paying.

So, grab your credit cards (the economy is doing great!) and rush right over to Fox Faith! Yes that's right, F-O-X & Faith. First there was your local FOX "affiliate", the brash new kid with the irreverent Simpsons and the far-out X-Files. Then there came Fox "News", We Report, We Decide - or something like that. We all know now that their gimmicky personalities and swooshy sound effects are a Gen X revamp of the Rove School for Shepherding.

And now the final member of the axis, the "I could not have named it better myself" Fox Faith. "FAMILY AND CHRISTIAN FILMS THAT EVERYONE CAN ENJOY!" (Note the all caps is their idea not mine.) Um, well, not everyone. Anyway, I dug around on the sight and in the church resources area is a "Sunday School Lesson" (they assure us multiple times it can be used "anywhere") for "Strawberry Shortcake: Seaberry Beach Party", (no I never saw any Strawberry Shortcake movies - not that gay) I found an amazing bullet point:

Even though the Sea Serpent has wronged Blueberry Muffin and Seaberry Delight by holding them captive, all the girls still reach out a helping hand. Why do you think they form a human chain to save the serpent? Should we always forgive others who treat us poorly? Read Matthew 18:21-22 and Luke 6:32-36.

Now I wonder what Jesus had to say about that. For the record, Luke 6:35 - 36 are below (WEB) and perhaps the Senate will read it before they take their vote today on the treatment of "detainees".

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing back; and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil.

36 Therefore be merciful, even as your Father is also merciful.

Jesus is right, but I'm sure FOX is just trying to make a buck.

Terrorist Tracking, Identification, and Prosecution Act of 2006

2006-09-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am still in the denial stage about this... must... breathe....
but here is the ACLU's take on the matter.

“May whatever god you believe in, have mercy on your soul.” - Q

Spare Change

2006-09-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

"Weaponized Latent Analysis" is the most surprising thing to me personally that has "changed" over the last five years. Here is a great post. Of course, countermeasures will create a whole new and bothersome level of abstraction in a pseudo-science, which I find very entertaining.

"Deity Brinksmanship". This is so pathetically sad I deleted my rant and just cried instead. It's not new. My deity brings the souls to the yard, and their deaths are better than yours, damn right, they're better than yours! I could teach you, but I have to consume your will. I mean, aren't there enough ways to die without the need to go around making them up?

"Human Dignity" is a concept that our President of the United States needs to clarify. It's not a concept he will ever grasp. Imagine that we treat the "terrorist" the same way we treat you, George.

"Disinformation Agenda" is now a standard policy of the powerful to mislead. We all know that transparency, honesty, is security. Opaqueness is frail, requires trust, and invites corruption. Obfuscation, interference, and manipulation are the roots of the "neo dark age". You won't be happy without us!

"Giggleticians" are people who say outrageous things on TV as fact followed by a eerie grin, giggle or snort. Examples: "The «insert any» indicators are doing great! (hehe)", "This «insert any» will save poor people money. (grin)", oh "They are weak on «insert any»! (snort)".

"Quantizing Reality" - it is in your mind. We know that we don't really know what the fuck is happening but we know it's more than we think - just not much. I think, therefore, you are.

"Love Energy". Communicate, communicate, communicate. Especially when it hurts. The choice to care is the true gift of being human. Yes it is risky and difficult. Yes it can be harmful. Yes it can make all this mean something.

Tranquility Base

2006-08-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

Global = World
War = WAR
Terrorist = Those against US

I wonder what it's like to be one of our leaders. To hate people so much we send others to kill them. If we can't kill them, then you have them destroyed. All along we dine and hunt and holiday and whatever. I wonder if the Walgreens computer calls us at 11:00AM on Sunday to remind us our prescriptions are ready.

I wonder what it's like to have a good credit score. I wonder if people actually enjoy it as much as they should. It's the modern caste designation and if you don't believe me then yours is better than mine. The most delicious part is that it's definition is opaque. Get used to it. Can your kids spell opaque?

Hell I wonder what it's like to have clean carpet. I have been told to "stop whining and get on with life". Oh yea the pharmacy.

As Good As It Gets

2006-07-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

I don't usually talk about my own personal health here but it seems I can say things on the blog that I can't explain face to face.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly checkup. For weeks now I have been contemplating the right questions to ask him, the right tone, meditating on it even. He comes in with a smile on his face and his shields on maximum - I have a tendency to be a bit confrontational, seriously, when my life is at stake. I consider him a good friend and I really don't intend to be belligerent, so I've been trying really hard to reach him.

What is clear is that nobody really knows what is "wrong" with me. I mean yes, I am infected with a terminal disease. But so are many others, and for them, a relatively "simple" drug combination allows them to lead relatively "normal" lives. I am not one of those people. My drug combination is 5 drugs instead of 3, and I need other 9 drugs to counteract the side effects of those 5. I literally have a prescription for every occasion. I can't leave the house, or "do" anything really, without following the regimen. And even then, I'll be the one who has the "accident" in the restaurant and has to ride the bus home with shit in my drawers.

We discussed a couple of possible reasons, like brain thinning. But there is nothing to be done really. So I'm the one who's crazy.

My doctor said that sometimes I might have to "pretend" so that people will like me. "I know you don't want to hear that." he added. That's why I love the guy. It is also why I hate the world.

He tells me I could live another 20 or 30 years, which I just pretend not to hear. Not like this. Right now I can "pass" but I'll never really be close. Dementia may be horrible, but at least it's something to do. I'm confident I'll be really good at it.

I couple years ago a man I loved pushed me out of his life because he got sick. He did not want me to be his caretaker. At the time I was devastated, jealous (of his caretakers) and angry. Now I find myself on the other side of that coin and believing he is right.

Now is all that I have. Now it is time for my meds. I will do the math, you guys go have fun.

Covenant Sex

2006-07-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

“What is unacceptable for even liberal Christians is sex without commitment. It is a deeply entrenched, Christian conviction that covenant life is best for the individuals in the relationship as well as for the community in which they live. The rightness or wrongness of sex should not be considered, they believe, on the basis of what body part goes in what orifice, as conservatives insist. For liberals it still must be judged on whether or not promises are made and kept. The problem for many liberals is that the notion of two men or two women marrying is still too “out there”: calling the promises that gays and lesbians make between themselves “marriage” is thus still farther than many on the left are willing to go.” - Sex and the Liberal Christian

What really gets me is all those "good Christians" who sit back and judge me simply because their god made them straight. Oh and you can just see how deep this conviction is entrenched for them.

"For liberals it still must be judged on whether or not promises are made and kept." BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. My promises will NEVER be good enough. It's not integrity we're talking about it's policy, and the point is that I must be judged. "Wives obey your Husbands." So are you the man or the woman?

I wish for just one damn second this world would stop and look at the price of "faith".

Republican Terror Squads

2006-07-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

You know what, I'm thinking I'm all for S. 2453 and S. 2455 that the Senate Judiciary committee will be voting on as early as tomorrow. I mean, the President deserves to have super powers that make him invincible whenever the warning beacon shines in the sky. Naturally.

But why stop there? Why not require the executive branch to create specific units whose sole mission is to end "ter-ra"? Are they serious or not? Everybody knows that once you find the terrorist you have to torture and kill them, so I say we add those freedoms to the list as well. Duh.

Now that we have "home-grown" terrorist, everybody is a terrorist until proven innocent and placed under surveillance. I think we should add "econo-terrorists", anybody who may say any bad news to threaten our economy in any way, to the list of known axis powers.

Also, it seems perfectly reasonable to assume that anybody who disagrees with the President is a terrorist. You are either with him or against him. Any "true" American trusts the President at all times, but especially during a looming emergency like ter-ra.

Nothing feels safer to me than an all-powerful secret police state. It's only temporary, simply until we rid the universe of ter-ra. Only then can we really ever be free, right? Oh won't the Lord be so pleased!

God You Smurf Me Too

2006-07-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm serious people, when your time comes...

Two killed in Britain as inflatable art takes off

Again, this morning, I awoke to find two guys emptying the FOUR dumpsters for the building into the alley looking for recyclables. It was broad daylight, the garage across the way was open, people were just ignoring it because it's not their problem. The economy is strong, the tax breaks are working, and we are safer than ever before.

Some people seem able to suspend their disbelief and carry on the premise it will be alright in the end. Some part of me wishes I could remember what that felt like. Grim is the nature of the future. Now is the only time we have. You can change the future only by acting now. Be beautiful. Love thy stupid insane neighbor, even if that means calling security to get them out of your dumpster.

More than a few have implied that this perspective is a root issue with my general discontent. With that comes the idea that I should choose some other perspective so things don't feel so bad. I always find myself seriously considering it until the pain shoots up from my feet again and reminds me what perspective really is.

God wants a big war. Grab your annotated literature and automatic weapon.
Veto hope and let's go.

P.S. More love, from God

God I Smurf You

2006-07-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Words are the most dangerous things on the planet.

In fact, words are what describe every evil idea. Often times, they can come together into radical groups or gangs and convey an even more complex web of alluring death.

Words can sway the masses, move a soul, or not. Words cause and cure fear.

Words are free, cheap, costly, and expensive.

Words are deeds and bonds. Words are a curse and a blessing.

Words say fear is the greatest motivation. Hope not.

"We want to put the monkey on crack."
"Can you use a rat instead?"

I Am The Cure

2006-07-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

In answer to other questions, a majority of the Britons questions described Americans as uncaring, divided by class, awash in violent crime, vulgar, preoccupied with money, ignorant of the outside world, racially divided, uncultured and in the most overwhelming result (90 percent of respondents) dominated by big business.

The full article is here. I still can't figure out which part is so horribly bad. Why can't the rest of the world just die or whatever.

I came across a word today I had never heard... "emos" in this posting on GroupHug.us. I found 14 definitions for emos at urbandictionary.com that each tell a story on their own.

Today while I watched the crazy homeless man dumping big bags of bird seed in the alley. I asked him why and he said "everybody's got to eat" with a big smile. I just frowned and shook my head. All 300 or so of these pigeons will return here every day, probably until they die, expecting to find mounds of bird seed. Are we looking at this bird flu thing all wrong?

How will America survive a great economic depression? Besides eating pigeons.

Also in my blogroll I found a funny cartoon.

Over.

Our Leaders Are Insane

2006-07-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

The Senate Commerce Committee "debates" network neutrality laws.

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) explained "Maybe there is a place for a commercial net but it's not using what consumers use every day."

No I never use VOIP, streaming audio/video, or CHAT...

Read his comments in this Wired blog 27B Stroke 6. I also HIGHLY recommend listening to the totally tubular audio stream if your ISP or US Senator doesn't block it and you can suffer the folly of horrifying truth.

It just doesn't get any clearer.

Terminal Stigma

2006-06-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

I could care less about lesbian adoption or lesbian marriage. The Red Cross has no restrictions on lesbian blood.

The "LGBTQ" Pride parade was a lonely and painful and torturous event for me this year. I am not one of "them" and I never will be. "They" are totally over me and my gloomy issues, blame me for AIDS, and made their position very clear: assimilate or die.

Every single guy I have talked to that did seem to have "fun" was also not sober. Most of them were obliterated. Lucky I suppose.

Oh well, time for my afternoon cocktail. Average retail price, $82! What a bargain. I wish I felt like living.

I want to be vibrant.

Empty Facade

2006-06-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

200,000 Children

2006-06-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

SACRAMENTO — The Legislature is expected to once again blow its deadline for passing a state budget today as Republican lawmakers vow to block any spending plan that expands state-funded healthcare for children in the U.S. illegally.

Immigration Issue Snarls California Budget Plans

Hundreds of thousands of poor children are uninsured in California. Fuck 'em.

I love watching Republicans eat kids. Don't forget to say grace.

WAIT! I have the perfect idea, like duh, let's honor them with an event.

G-Day

2006-06-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 62ed anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Normandy. It is a pivotal moment in the short history of man. It is a monument to bravery and a vivid reminder of the price of peace. The souls involved will always be an inspiration.

Today I have watched the Senate of the United States posture and redeem their debts, pandering for righteousness no less. Now I could go off for days about all this crap, y'all know that. Not to mention that pesky war thing. Anyway, pshaw.

I am going to boil this all down: When I see a straight, rich, white, land-owning male talking about "traditional marriage" I also see clearly that what you and I call marriage is nowhere near what this guy is talking about nor the traditional meaning, much less "since the beginning of time" as said by the congressman. Power is so sexy. Mr. President I move that we adjourn until they cover that big, thick quorum. It's so distracting.

The fact that the constitution protects all of us is the source of its worthiness of allegiance.

I am beginning to think my fatigue is being caused by the President of the United States standing on my back. I doubt that's covered in my policy. Now I have to go back to the pharmacy and have the monthly incompetence tirade.

Lifetime Penalty

2006-05-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

Finally, a term that slips through the Republican Phraseology Reinvestor.

On May 15, 2006, every American that has not signed up for a Medicare Part-D drug coverage plan will be assessed a penalty when they finally do. If it doesn't affect you now, at least you have your health.

This is a fee for being old and poor, but not too sick until after Monday. Neocompassionate neoconsertivitism.

Charging outrageous prices for saving your life is just good capitalism. You should be rich and save your money in case something might happen. The economy is doing great!

Caller ID

2006-05-12T04:44:00.000-07:00

Now look. I have to PAY the dsl/cell/local/long distance/ballpark company to see who is calling me. An additional fee for Call Waiting Caller ID, like it's really so much more complicated than regular caller ID. If they are going to tell President Bush who's calling it seems only decent to inform me as well.

OK So there's a nerd in the corner wearing a cheap NSAT&T cap writing down every phone number, time, and duration of your teenage daughters phone usage. Can't tell you what he's going to do with all that data, we're in a time of war you know. It's not like it's some monster with a gun or one of those DateLine child molesters.

Do you know what this collection of data is now worth? It is the ULTIMATE reality show. It is pure treasure.

So is it civil disobedience if I pick up my phone and call a random number? What if we all call the White House just to check-in?

Abomonial Gayman

2006-05-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

Iraqi police kill teen over gay sex work

So this is what my tax dollars are doing for Iraq. Training murderers to slay children in a petty fatwa.

What gets me is that, in my experience, Christian America won't object. Won't say a word or even a prayer.

The struggle for gay civil rights is not like the American Civil War and the fight to end slavery. It's much, much, much bigger. The global suffering and carnage is beyond imagination. I know many think it's a joke, probably even God.

You want to stop terror? Start with yourself.

Save The Internet

2006-05-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

Please tell your congress person you want free choice and network neutrality. Or let AT&T pick which sites you want to see.

Potential Bitch

2006-04-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

There is no greater adversary than ones own potential. Bla bla bla bla bla.

Everybody is always so sure about what I could be doing. If I would just apply myself it should be better.

In the few times I have managed to far surpass the wildest expectations, I was thusly informed that the problem was the potential was measured incorrectly. I'm not great I'm an anomaly.

Unfathomably, I remain myself. Obviously to the dismay of my great-ass potential.

Nothing is impossible.
Everything that can happen, does happen.
Create your reality.

Don't tell me what kind of day to have.

Holy San Francisco

2006-04-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

Today in the mail I received a 65 page booklet, shaped like Reader's Digest. The cover says "What's Next? EARTHQUAKES TSUNAMIS AIDS TERRORISM Are you PREPARED? SAN FRANCISCO EDITION". An explosion is the background graphic with the smoking end of a radical pipe (a big wave) at the top and four gorgeous, sun-shiney, marketing photos of the 4 unquestionably phallic architectural symbols in town.

My first thought was that somebody down in city hall was getting waaaay too freaked out. Who had authorized this? On the back is a classic shot from the 1906 quake aftermath, the anniversary is this week. Beside my address label (Resident) is a giant crack in what looks like solid rock. It better not say to have tuna under my bed.

But the text on the back ends with "Are we nearing the end of the world? What then?" What then? Couldn't be city hall.

Indeed when I ripped open the little sealer dots I found the most wherefores, well-nighs, and ye shalls I have seen in a very long time. One section (there are 11, each starts with a mini giant crack graphic) "The Coming Crisis" seems to attempt to compare and contrast the laws of God and men. They then appear to advocate some sort of Sunday-Sabbath "Curfew" as the only way to cease the calamities that God hath brought. Anyway, long story short, they say that spiritualism is assimilating Christianity, which is surprising, because in fact, Christianity has assimilated every mythos it ever encountered - starting with spiritualism.

So yea I'm all riled up about this thing when I finally make it to page 1 and 2, just inside the cover. A black and white bleed (edge-to-edge photo) of the 1906 quake. Probably Market St. On one page is the table of contents and the other is the following message:

Dear Reader,

What's Next for San Francisco?

God only knows. And not only does He know, He cares. And He cares enough to tell us.

What's Next?, written by one who eye-witnessed the devastation of the Great San Francisco Earthquake, will give you unparalleled insight into the future and the events that will soon and forever change the course of human history.

What's Next? The ancient Hebrew prophet Daniel foretold “a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a nation.” Upon this “time of trouble” we are now entering. The stage is now being set for the final conflict between good and evil.

What's Next? We might have cause to fear if it were not for the fact that God has charted a course to safety for all His children who are willing to follow Him. It is left with us to choose what road we will take.

What's Next? How will the story end? We invite you to read on and experience the glorious future now! And in reading, may you learn to walk hand in had with Him who holds the future, is out prayer.

The Publishers

Then in a separate, more opaque block, in a much smaller font, it starts "What's Next? is an abridged version of The Great Controversy by E.G. White, first published in 1884..." They go on to claim a copyright for a 501(c)(3) so they can sue me if they want. Apparently the graphics were added later.

Just for the record, I want to predict that "In the future, things will be bigger and more complicated than ever before.™©®∞" You can quote me on that.

D'oh! The seventh-day Adventist.

People our gods are tearing our world apart.
I heard the good news, now please stop sacrificing the trees, and each other.

Now Kill This

2006-03-24T18:27:00.000-08:00

No you can't kill that guy, it's political political. Why not kill somebody we can all agree on...

Muslim leader in Russia calls to killings of gays and mass protests against Moscow gay pride

Welcome to Earth. Enjoy your slay.

WAR IS STUPID

2006-03-20T02:22:00.000-08:00

There is always a better solution than fighting.

Fighting is wrong. Is that what we teach the children?

Our leaders have lied to us, are lying to us now, will lie to us again, and have absolutely no doubt that their superior status grants this exclusive right, and moreover, that never do they intend to either reveal the truth or in fact stop what they are doing.

They are not lying about blow jobs, or the number of shoes in the closet. They are not lying about smoking weed or social plans. They are lying about weapons, murders, tortures, spying, stealing, lying, and most of all intentionally hurting innocents.

It's a pattern that is quite typical; a few greedy, power hungry, chameleon-like white guys usurp a church/town/company and immediately begin exploiting everyone they can. The most recognizable feature of these leeches is the inability to question their own rhetoric. I've taken to calling them false prophets.

Today I watched the Vice-President of our United States say that the media was the reason for the negative perception of the WAR. There is no doubt in my mind that he whole-heartedly believes that usually WAR is good. I mean, this little thing here has been a very profitable venture from the start for him and almost all of his friends. In many, many, ways.

When I went back home for Thanksgiving, I was confronted with the idea that only Republicans could be Christians. As I glibly dismissed what had to be a joke, the room fell silent and my sister-in-law said very clearly "no you have to live what is right". I sat there in shock for a second and nobody said anything. They all just sort of looked at me uncomfortably. What was just a lively conversation now reduced to chewing noises. All the words running through my head, but none of them quite fit.. "I don't remember Jesus telling anyone who to vote for." I feel so sorry for them down there, their lives saturated with this relentless and oppressive drivel.

A system where every part is directly controlled by the "top" is called a dominion. Either you do as you are told without question or you are replaced. In real-world effects, creating a culture of exploitation and callousness. Add a good measure of fear, confusion, and oh yes righteousness and you got yourself some real fine sheep. Lousy schools ensure many generations of customers.

One massive organized group a while back took almost total control of the nations power grid at which time they started raising prices just to see how high they could go. Now in my book, messing with the power grid infrastructure at the expense of Americans is terrorism of the highest order. You are messing with Grandma's heat. Do not even get me started on Grandma's health care....

If the terrorist realize they can just put on a suit and get a job running a power plant, we are doomed. America is prime territory for a hostel takeover. I'm sure if you have $9,000,000,000,000 we have some lovely accommodations.

My idea is to sell advertising space on the American Flag, or perhaps on the money. You know, "At Costco we buy", "By Exxon we drive", "In AT&T we live" kind of stuff. Maybe then we could have faith in the right corporations.

So we put a liar in charge and he put the cronies all around and then we act all surprised when they seriously screw up, and just don't mention it. A lie of omission is still a lie. Oh I'M being too harsh? Fine. Hand picked, dissembled, and reconstituted data is not information and to portray it as such is harmful and perhaps traitorous to America.

And I feel fine.

Stellar Phenonmenon

2006-03-16T02:56:00.000-08:00

Borrowed from wikipeda entry on Battlestar Galatica

The opening narration (spoken by Patrick Macnee) is as follows:

There are those who believe that life here began out there, far across the universe, with tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians, or the Toltecs, or the Mayans. They may have been the architects of the great pyramids, or the lost civilizations of Lemuria or Atlantis. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens..."

When this narration was spoken, the viewer could see scenes of nebulae and other celestial phenomena

So wow now check out the Double Helix Nebula as shown in today's issue of the journal Nature.

Jack's Elecit Sex Partners Volume 1

2005-12-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

Yes that's right, Table X5 in the CDC's new "PEMS" HIV tracking database. Let me rephrase. Starting in 2006, next week, the government is going to require me to actually report people with whom I engage in and types of "risky" behavior and which drugs I take, and when of course. They want to make me healthier. I mean seriously. I am the threat. Literally, monitor my ass.

Feds Ask Questions, HIV Preventionistas Squirm

All from this amazingly tired and transparent piece of meaningless propaganda dribble actually from the CDC (see slide 8!):

Overview of the HIV Prevention Program Evaluation & Monitoring System

Just because you can turn something into a power-point presentation doesn't make it not a fascist, homophobic, insulting, degrading, offensive and for me even pornographic. I know pornography when I see it and THAT is pornography. You can really feel the perversion.

This is an outrageous violation of a moral code that the Bush administration can not even comprehend. I did not survive AIDS to be a damn populous in the twisted right's db of unclean fags.

Sweetie pie, there's a man here says his name is Bushie and he just wants to move in and watch us fuck and maybe videotape a little. You don't mind do you?

Miracles 10% Off*

2005-12-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

Exactly how much did Jesus charge to heal the sick?

Love thy neighbor, or not, what the hell do I care.

They are all monsters and they deserve to die, right?

Ignorance is evil. Greed is death. Are we humans or are we beasts?

I for one will be delighted one day when the earth finally falls into the black hole at the center of our galaxy. Would anyone care to buy some insurance?

* Offer valid for Preferred Clients only. Some restrictions may apply.

Error In Reasoning

2005-11-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Great article on how to spot a fallacy.

Man these things are everywhere!

Senate votes to increase suffering of HIV+ people

2005-10-31T17:12:00.000-08:00

Not even the republicans can pass a bill to help just a little. Maybe I should redecorate instead of taking my meds. Makes sense to me!

More old white men. On and on and on. The real people on the waiting lists will just get sicker and sicker.

Revolting.

Bank Of America salutes Americans with disabilities

2005-10-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

By using tricky “you should have known” accounting to charge me $93.

That's a whole lot of money to me, it's a rounding error to them.

Their apologies were profuse but the fee still stands. It's the policy. It's fair to them.

We have made hypocrisy and posturing the cultural values of the day. We would rather see pretend fidelity with feel good speak anyway. Turns out the truth is also relative for fascists.

When the largest and the richest around start talking about "the right thing to do" we are all in big trouble.

“Salute”

You Spin Me Right Round

2005-10-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

Can any of you play a record still? Just wondering!

Gang riots in Toledo? Houston we have a problem.

So now everybody knows what it's like to be called sexist and elitist by a good old boy jerk. One way loyalty is a form of slavery.

What part of incompetence will protect us?

So it's October again and guess what? Out of Flu shots. Yet another shortage. I bet the cronies got their shot. People this is something that happens every year and they can't even get that right. So 25 million people won't get a shot... it's their own fault for not being born rich.

Merry Christmas.

Stress Tax

2005-10-08T03:22:00.000-07:00

If evolution is just a theory, then so is the Avian flu pandemic.

What is the cost of a doctrine of stress? Will you foot the bill with your health? Your kids' health?

What do you think causes more societal stress, gay marriage or straight divorces? Rich getting richer or the poor getting poorer? Women's rights or overpopulation? Food taxes or inheritance taxes? Corporate profits or corporate losses? Borrowing money from China or a trade embargo on Cuba?

Federal incompetence or federal indifference? Honesty or arm twisting? Blow jobs or Enron employees?

Our world has been bushwhacked and we can no longer afford it.

Reality is in your head. Implement vision.

Higher Ground

2005-09-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

Courage is action.
Joy is strength.
Peace is the sum of joy.

You are life.
We are here to be.
Over?

Today I see switch hitters, butterfly nuts, white-collar looters, gay republicans in chaps, a hurt strong-man, un ángel en mis brazos, giants creeping up, and cops hanging out with naked people. Heavenly evolution. San Francisco is so beautiful.

Respect Me Not

2005-09-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today the Governor of my State announced he will veto a bill that ends discrimination against a minority group of human beings. His press secretary actually made the announcement. She said the reason was "Out of respect for the will of the people".

With such a veto, also goes my pledge of allegiance "One nation, indivisible. with liberty and justice for all." How can I ever support dividing liberty and justice only to the Lord's chosen? Just what the hell kind of people are you anyway?

Perhaps the people would like to tie me to a fence and leave me in the sun to die. Shall we vote?

How should I now respect you? Should I scurry into my hole and pray for strength for my extermination? You would want that I just throw up my hands and surrender to the superior? Oh I'm just a girly-man faggot what do I know - I get it. Business as usual.

Well, today what I will pray is that the Governor will have the strength to do what is right. I improve and grow. I continue in the peace of joy.

What is innate health?

2005-08-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

Innate Health is the unrealized psychological aspect of our immune system. It is as natural a part of us as the physical immune system that we count on to heal our cuts and bruises and fight off the flu …

All people come into life with a natural ability to regain their psychological balance and sense of wellbeing. Our minds ordinarily work with an innate intelligence that we experience as wisdom, common sense and peace of mind. When we get caught up in negative thinking or struggle to fight upsetting thinking, we temporarily override or block that natural intelligence and find ourselves lost or stuck in stress or distress. We can learn to produce a more constructive flow of present-moment thoughts that guide us through life. No matter what we are doing, we are the thinkers creating our own experience of life as it happens.

Although it is now widely understood that people’s thinking creates their reality, it is not widely understood that the creative process that generates thinking holds the key to mental health and stability. Understanding how we think and that we think changes our relationship to what we think (the contents of our thoughts). That understanding opens increasingly sustained access to innate health. Innate health is like the sun in the sky; it is not always visible to us, and sometimes after prolonged bad weather we may begin to think we might never see it again – but it is always there and we can count on it.

Three universal principles explain the thinking process: Mind, Consciousness and Thought. Simply put, Mind is the energy of life, the fact that we are alive. Thought is our ability to create forms or ideas from that energy. Consciousness is our ability to experience what we think as real. In other words, we are born thinking. We think our way through life. We see life through our thoughts as we go, and the quality of our thinking determines the quality of our lives (how we see our lives moment-to-moment).

Awakening to those principles sets people free from attachment to the contents of any particular thinking with the knowledge that thoughts naturally come and go. It frees people to see their state of mind, their felt response to perceived reality, as an indicator of the moment-to-moment quality of their thinking. A stressed or negative feeling state or state of mind produces a low mood and increasing tension, a feeling of insecurity, or dis-ease. That feeling warns us to allow our thinking to quiet. As people learn to trust their state of mind as a guide through life, they catch themselves earlier and earlier in the process of insecure thinking that can lead to chronic stressful states of mind and worse. Recognizing the signal to quiet down, people can allow negative thoughts to pass and leave them alone. As our minds quiet, our feeling changes and our perceived reality changes. We come naturally back into balance.

Once people recognize that innate health is constant and always accessible, they are able to navigate the ups and downs of their thinking without frightening themselves with their most negative thinking or deceiving themselves with their most positive thinking. We are able to be grateful in moments of exhilaration and graceful in moments of distress, and to experience the rich landscape of all our thinking as the gift of life.

© 2005 West Virginia Initiative for Innate Health

Thou shalt not lie

2005-07-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2004

We all remember what happened that day, right? No, I didn't have a clue either. I believe that "the facade" is a fundamental part of politics, on both sides, but it does matter what goes on behind the curtain.

Republican love

2005-07-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

And they call me a pervert.

+Title Removed For Your Protection+

2005-06-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

+Content removed for your protection in light of the tragedy of September 11, 2001+

Alone at last

2005-06-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

Clinton was right: Only fucking is really sex. Everything else is foreplay, massage, or just acting. It depends on what "is" means.

If you could control your feelings like a valve, would you go tinkering? I did. I let my doctor "fix" my spigot on "normal". It was like going from a trickle to rapids. There are whirlpools, rocks, and falls. Sometimes I'm not so sure it was a good idea. I have learned to feel regret.

In real life, I really try not to be mean. I know people who like to be mean. They always seem to get carried away with it. I'm afraid I'd be good at it, and I like being good. A slippery slope the dark side is.

This lady at the ATM broke in line in front of me, then called me rude when I said "Please go", motioning for her to use the machine. My mind opened the Pandora's box of the situation and all I could come up with was "I said Please!". Then she spooked and ran off to her man. She is the one who broke in line. Did she want flowers? Suddenly I saw an image of me snapping her neck, and I laughed. Anarchy at the ATM. Insert card.

Sex regrets have me devastated. No I don't want to talk about it. I got a haircut instead.

Fucking regrets. If only there was a way...

Nuke the Fags

2005-05-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

Make no mistake about it, hatred of homosexuality is what is driving the republicans to "fix" the courts. Since the Supreme Court decided that the government can't criminalize consensual sex between adults, the Christian elite have declared the "culture war". They believe they can repair the "damage", probably back to Roe v. Wade, by stacking the court with biased believers. Until then they just want to hit where it really hurts.

And in order to do that they will apparently stop at nothing. They have outlawed gay sperm! They are now literally going to restructure the Senate so they can subjugate the judiciary. They have manipulated and shamed the RNC to effect some sort of coup. It all goes down tomorrow.

You know what? I will never believe Pat Robertson. Go ahead and hate me. You just are soooo much better than me. Sing a song about it. There are a lot of things in this universe that can hurt me, but you and your words are not one of them.

It's too late. The cock is out of the ring. You can make all the laws you want. You can replace all three branches with robots. You can try and round us up for quarantine! You can make the internet baby safe. You can wrap us in latex. We will still love. We will still enjoy sex without being ashamed. We will still be family. We will survive.

God blog it!

2005-05-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

OK so like 3 times in the last few months I have actually used the word "frack" as an expletive out loud. In real conversations with real people who have never seen Battlestar Galatica. Every time the person has looked at me like maybe my dentures had slipped or they were loosing their hearing or my meds are wearing off...

The irony is that it feels better to use frack sometimes. It just frackin does I can't really explain.

Words are crunked, man. English doubly so. Biggie Crunk. I like mine preinfected. And roll em in butter. Kemowasabi with cream! Nukeuler!

I mean, obviously, Paris needs a tax cut.

12305

2005-04-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

Q: When is a contract not a contract?
A: When it is signed by Donald Rumsfeld.

A couple weeks ago I was flipping through the channels, nothing special. Got to C-SPAN, and they were showing the oral arguments presented to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. The case was Santiago vs. Rumsfeld.

A&C Santiago v. Rumsfeld

If you don't want to spend an hour watching court - the gist is that 8 years ago an 18 year old kid signed up for the Army Reserves. The document he signed that day specifically stated that his term of service was 8 years. Truly forever to an 18 year old.

Anyway, despite a lengthy and detailed section about things that could change or extend the 8 years, nowhere in said document is there any mention of statute 12305. 12305 is Pentagon lingo for the "Stop-Loss" policy. Basically it says that if the President declares a state of "emergency" - the Army Reserve can require soldiers to stay until the "emergency" is over.

Really, that sounds reasonable. I mean, if we need you then we need you. But truly the intention had to be for purposefully narrow interpretation related to specialized training and some specific "emergency" situation. I mean, it is inconceivable that any individual soldier be so uniquely qualified for some task that they cannot be replaced. If such a thing were true the military could not continue. Once and a while it might be that some were closer or more available, but even in such cases, if it truly is mission critical, there has to be capable back-up. Right? The army knows the tour is ending. "Army of one" is really just an expression?

Well, not for a neo-con. 9/11/2001 provided the unparalleled opportunity for this President to declare a state of "emergency" against an idea. You do not kill ideas with guns. Murdering terrorist does not stop the idea of terrorism. There is no means of measure, no rules of engagement, and most importantly no desire of exit. 12305 wasn't the only handy statue to activate. The "emergency" requires us to bend, or just temporarily break, most of the rules. For the country. The policy is that the "emergency" will continue until we defeat terrorism. Now we can debate just what kind of torture is humane.

Do you give yourself freely to the Borg?

Of course, the radical extremist activist judges decided for Rumsfeld stating that the military was not bound by contract law. Thus, apparently, imaginary inclusion of the statue is sufficient. What it literally means is that the volunteer military have agreed to be slaves. There is no law against it. They must do what we say, forever.

Frankly, I find this obscene. Revolting, bureaucratic bullshit. It is without honor.

Also, I've never met anyone who served and would not, if the cause be just and they were the only one that could help, be happy to volunteer for a mission. It is the very nature of their being. It's why they signed up in the first place.

It highlights the world view the ruling class has always maintained. Despite the shroud of Democracy, the proletariat still stand on the backs of the people. Richer now than ever before. Entrenched into the most powerful and influential institutions on this whole world.

We are the sheep.

LET IT GO

2005-03-22T14:18:00.000-08:00

Such greedy, horrible, self-important, power-addicted, manipulative, opportunistic zealots. That lump of cells is not alive. It doesn't know of sunshine or meadows or music or love or joy or sorrow. It's a meaningless curse of existence. I pray that the woman who did once live has long ago shed her malfunctioning mortal coil and escaped into whatever lay beyond.

If they only "cared" about REAL PEOPLE with the same "compassion" as they "claim" to have for the soulless lumps of cells. Cells that, remarkably, have the ability to pay.

Now, you have shown your true colors. You really are above it all - tradition, respect, civility, science, nature, state, law, constitution, life, death; you are supreme! Hail to thee and your powerful gun. Long live the fascist proletariat!!

Our entire earned-with-blood American history usurped in a single weekend by a select group with a TV camera. The core majority leadership in the broad daylight gleefully preserving their treasonous conspiracies into the record of history. May you enjoy the bounty of absolute power.

Are you now or have you ever been

2005-03-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

morally incorrect?

Of course, if you have nothing to hide you'll be happy to answer.

I've been reflecting on the concept of "under oath". The very fact that we still engage in a ritualistic oath to truth is evidence that in general we are liars. Comfortable in our own interpretations so much that we simply choose to believe them.

To top it all off, pretending to be perfect is the exemplar of the righteous! Now we will point at you and scorn - just for fun.

Sending your high-school age boy off to play professional basketball is just as exploitive of his body as sending your high-school age girl off to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

We are all perverts.

Do not drill here

2005-02-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Adam the addict
couldn't get enough
a needle in his arm and
a party in his butt.

Woke up one morning
feeling scratchy like vinyl
Ninety days later all
the test results were final

Next thing you know
it's front page news
Base this monster and
you'll be screwed

Intelligent Evolution

2005-01-23T23:36:00.000-08:00

I feel real pity for those who obviously believe their god is not capable of designing biological systems that evolve. These people who claim to know the very mind of god!

If we truly believe the literal words of primitives who could not comprehend stars, cells, atoms, or even the number zero, that is our choice. When we preach those words to others we become just another self-righteous heretic. If we encourage others to stop using their (remarkable, unique, god-given) minds, we encourage death. Where is the morality in that?

God is science. God is truth. It's a shame your beliefs prevent you from glimpsing the awe of either.

Happy persecuting!

True Evil

2004-12-27T04:05:00.000-08:00

It is hard to comprehend such horrifying destruction. My heart goes out to the many thousands who's lives have been forever washed away.

Stop Requested

2004-12-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

I own a condo at the corner of disappointment and frustration. I have a 24/7 pity party by invitation only.

Now the problem is, it's completely true. Doesn't really matter how well things are going, or how bad, I'll find a way back. Even the good deeds suck.

It is one of my biggest challenges in this life. The cup is only half full.

I had a dream last night that my condo burned down while I was at the doctor. I woke up abruptly when the insurance adjuster denied my claim. I think it means I need to buy a new toaster.

G.I. Jon

2004-11-22T17:04:00.000-08:00

I used to think of career soldiers as grunts. Mindless, disposable, throwbacks; minions who've volunteered their brutality to execute the whims of the educated civility. I was alarmingly comfortable with that stereotype. Not only did it make certain political positions less monstrous, it was enough to justify tolerating using the [lives of the] military to make a principal point.

OK I will admit it, I also saw them as sex toys. "He couldn't ask if I was gay because his mouth was full of my growing cock." One of my first videos had the two superiors order the "private" to perform. I've never seen such dedication to duty. And just when we think it's all over, you gotta do the whole thing again.

Then one day early october my partner says "oh my brother is coming to visit for a week". "You're career army paratrooper brother who hasn't really seen you in years?" "Yea." "Should I stay home then?" "No, but maybe bring some pajama bottoms?" I'm thinking this is gonna be a disaster. This caveman guy is gonna show up and freak over his gay brother and lover who don't even have the towels washed. "Are you sure we shouldn't try to find him a cheap room somewhere?" "No, really, he's cool."

It turns out we had an extra day to do some laundry, and then, like clockwork, Jon arrives. First impression? Sex toy. Seriously. Fiery, built - hot. Oh shit! We sorta go through the standard pleasantries through the evening and the whole time, in my pjs, I keep looking for the grunt. But instead, he actually is cool. And smart? Downright thoughtful? Intellectual? Fair? Passionate? Funny? Wait what the hell is going on here? How can this be?

By the next night I'm back to hanging out in my underwear and have a vivid moment where I realized I trusted this stranger implicitly. I had finally found that quality I was looking for but instead of just a soldier, he is a warrior. He fights to protect a way of life that he cherishes. A way that he exemplifies, and a way that he inspires others to embrace. That whole glossy "army of one" hero thing, but in a practical, part-of-the-team, nothing special attitude. Worst part? If he's a real human being - maybe they all are. Oh dear God they are precious, unique, thirsty souls. That night the Red Sox beat the Yankees, to everyone's dismay.

As the week progressed it was like I felt like I was the one meeting a long-lost brother. Except for being straight, he's a lot like most of my friends! I mean Gen X, beer drinking, looses train of thought when a hot ass walks by, lively conversationist, blogs, spods, and pods. Even part geek. In some ways it's easier to talk to him than my partner, but I suppose that true of many brothers-in-law.

The Sox beat the Yankees? In the last four games? Whaaa? Damn you know what, I believe!

I was truly sorry to see Jon go. Frankly I think he could have used another week anyway, but really it's about all the uncertainty he's returning too. And perhaps the uncertainty that I return too... there was something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Then a few days later it occurred to me: Death. That was the underlying thing we three had in common. Every day we are called into our own battle which may lead to our demise. We wake up day after day, never quite knowing what the next challenge will be. We have been in situations where we should have died. We've been in situations where we've seen our brothers fall. We have felt the same helpless pain. His battle is with guns and terrorist. Ours is with meds and HIV. The pain is the same. The struggle is the same. The awareness of life is the same. The only real difference is that he knows almost to the day when his duty is fulfilled. When he will start a new life "cured" from the daily affliction that besieges him. He dares to dream of a life afterwards, which is a luxury I can not afford. Still, I found myself thinking perhaps "one day"... which in itself is new and hopeful.

So, sincerely, thank-you Jon, and all your brothers and sisters out there living what they think is right and doing what it takes to protect my freedom to live that way. I was so wrong! Heros come and go, but an inspiration can change the world. This blog has been inspired by your vibrant energy. I hope to share the joy of the reality of life and being human, now and for many years to come.

Ever since that week I have slept a little more soundly knowing people like Jon are on the job.

Please Hold On

2004-11-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

OK, I know, I started the whole thing with a conjunction. BUT I have a good excuse! Dr. Rob Eichberg was the man who coined the phrase, "And there's more...". He was essentially referring to the richness and fullness of life and truth. I also found it an ironic reminder of how our language prevents us from sharing even the most important stuff because of time or circumstance. Anyhow, Rob was kind of a jerk, but in a really incredibly good way. He challenged me when I was young and invincible. He proved to me that love does conquer all. I miss him and do think about him often. He would have liked the blogs, they are a fantastic conduit for growth.

I'm not sure how well I will do at this, I already spend way to much time at the computer. But I think it can be a kind of outlet that I could really leverage for my sanity, and perhaps say some of the things that I never get the time to say. Sounds like fun, eh?!