Monday, November 22, 2004

G.I. Jon

I used to think of career soldiers as grunts. Mindless, disposable, throwbacks; minions who've volunteered their brutality to execute the whims of the educated civility. I was alarmingly comfortable with that stereotype. Not only did it make certain political positions less monstrous, it was enough to justify tolerating using the [lives of the] military to make a principal point.

OK I will admit it, I also saw them as sex toys. "He couldn't ask if I was gay because his mouth was full of my growing cock." One of my first videos had the two superiors order the "private" to perform. I've never seen such dedication to duty. And just when we think it's all over, you gotta do the whole thing again.

Then one day early october my partner says "oh my brother is coming to visit for a week". "You're career army paratrooper brother who hasn't really seen you in years?" "Yea." "Should I stay home then?" "No, but maybe bring some pajama bottoms?" I'm thinking this is gonna be a disaster. This caveman guy is gonna show up and freak over his gay brother and lover who don't even have the towels washed. "Are you sure we shouldn't try to find him a cheap room somewhere?" "No, really, he's cool."

It turns out we had an extra day to do some laundry, and then, like clockwork, Jon arrives. First impression? Sex toy. Seriously. Fiery, built - hot. Oh shit! We sorta go through the standard pleasantries through the evening and the whole time, in my pjs, I keep looking for the grunt. But instead, he actually is cool. And smart? Downright thoughtful? Intellectual? Fair? Passionate? Funny? Wait what the hell is going on here? How can this be?

By the next night I'm back to hanging out in my underwear and have a vivid moment where I realized I trusted this stranger implicitly. I had finally found that quality I was looking for but instead of just a soldier, he is a warrior. He fights to protect a way of life that he cherishes. A way that he exemplifies, and a way that he inspires others to embrace. That whole glossy "army of one" hero thing, but in a practical, part-of-the-team, nothing special attitude. Worst part? If he's a real human being - maybe they all are. Oh dear God they are precious, unique, thirsty souls. That night the Red Sox beat the Yankees, to everyone's dismay.

As the week progressed it was like I felt like I was the one meeting a long-lost brother. Except for being straight, he's a lot like most of my friends! I mean Gen X, beer drinking, looses train of thought when a hot ass walks by, lively conversationist, blogs, spods, and pods. Even part geek. In some ways it's easier to talk to him than my partner, but I suppose that true of many brothers-in-law.

The Sox beat the Yankees? In the last four games? Whaaa? Damn you know what, I believe!

I was truly sorry to see Jon go. Frankly I think he could have used another week anyway, but really it's about all the uncertainty he's returning too. And perhaps the uncertainty that I return too... there was something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Then a few days later it occurred to me: Death. That was the underlying thing we three had in common. Every day we are called into our own battle which may lead to our demise. We wake up day after day, never quite knowing what the next challenge will be. We have been in situations where we should have died. We've been in situations where we've seen our brothers fall. We have felt the same helpless pain. His battle is with guns and terrorist. Ours is with meds and HIV. The pain is the same. The struggle is the same. The awareness of life is the same. The only real difference is that he knows almost to the day when his duty is fulfilled. When he will start a new life "cured" from the daily affliction that besieges him. He dares to dream of a life afterwards, which is a luxury I can not afford. Still, I found myself thinking perhaps "one day"... which in itself is new and hopeful.

So, sincerely, thank-you Jon, and all your brothers and sisters out there living what they think is right and doing what it takes to protect my freedom to live that way. I was so wrong! Heros come and go, but an inspiration can change the world. This blog has been inspired by your vibrant energy. I hope to share the joy of the reality of life and being human, now and for many years to come.

Ever since that week I have slept a little more soundly knowing people like Jon are on the job.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Please Hold On

OK, I know, I started the whole thing with a conjunction. BUT I have a good excuse! Dr. Rob Eichberg was the man who coined the phrase, "And there's more...". He was essentially referring to the richness and fullness of life and truth. I also found it an ironic reminder of how our language prevents us from sharing even the most important stuff because of time or circumstance. Anyhow, Rob was kind of a jerk, but in a really incredibly good way. He challenged me when I was young and invincible. He proved to me that love does conquer all. I miss him and do think about him often. He would have liked the blogs, they are a fantastic conduit for growth.

I'm not sure how well I will do at this, I already spend way to much time at the computer. But I think it can be a kind of outlet that I could really leverage for my sanity, and perhaps say some of the things that I never get the time to say. Sounds like fun, eh?!