+Title Removed For Your Protection+

+Content removed for your protection in light of the tragedy of September 11, 2001+

Alone at last

Clinton was right: Only fucking is really sex. Everything else is foreplay, massage, or just acting. It depends on what "is" means.

If you could control your feelings like a valve, would you go tinkering? I did. I let my doctor "fix" my spigot on "normal". It was like going from a trickle to rapids. There are whirlpools, rocks, and falls. Sometimes I'm not so sure it was a good idea. I have learned to feel regret.

In real life, I really try not to be mean. I know people who like to be mean. They always seem to get carried away with it. I'm afraid I'd be good at it, and I like being good. A slippery slope the dark side is.

This lady at the ATM broke in line in front of me, then called me rude when I said "Please go", motioning for her to use the machine. My mind opened the Pandora's box of the situation and all I could come up with was "I said Please!". Then she spooked and ran off to her man. She is the one who broke in line. Did she want flowers? Suddenly I saw an image of me snapping her neck, and I laughed. Anarchy at the ATM. Insert card.

Sex regrets have me devastated. No I don't want to talk about it. I got a haircut instead.

Fucking regrets. If only there was a way...

Nuke the Fags

Make no mistake about it, hatred of homosexuality is what is driving the republicans to "fix" the courts. Since the Supreme Court decided that the government can't criminalize consensual sex between adults, the Christian elite have declared the "culture war". They believe they can repair the "damage", probably back to Roe v. Wade, by stacking the court with biased believers. Until then they just want to hit where it really hurts.

And in order to do that they will apparently stop at nothing. They have outlawed gay sperm! They are now literally going to restructure the Senate so they can subjugate the judiciary. They have manipulated and shamed the RNC to effect some sort of coup. It all goes down tomorrow.

You know what? I will never believe Pat Robertson. Go ahead and hate me. You just are soooo much better than me. Sing a song about it. There are a lot of things in this universe that can hurt me, but you and your words are not one of them.

It's too late. The cock is out of the ring. You can make all the laws you want. You can replace all three branches with robots. You can try and round us up for quarantine! You can make the internet baby safe. You can wrap us in latex. We will still love. We will still enjoy sex without being ashamed. We will still be family. We will survive.

God blog it!

OK so like 3 times in the last few months I have actually used the word "frack" as an expletive out loud. In real conversations with real people who have never seen Battlestar Galatica. Every time the person has looked at me like maybe my dentures had slipped or they were loosing their hearing or my meds are wearing off...

The irony is that it feels better to use frack sometimes. It just frackin does I can't really explain.

Words are crunked, man. English doubly so. Biggie Crunk. I like mine preinfected. And roll em in butter. Kemowasabi with cream! Nukeuler!

I mean, obviously, Paris needs a tax cut.

12305

Q: When is a contract not a contract?
A: When it is signed by Donald Rumsfeld.

A couple weeks ago I was flipping through the channels, nothing special. Got to C-SPAN, and they were showing the oral arguments presented to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. The case was Santiago vs. Rumsfeld.

A&C Santiago v. Rumsfeld

If you don't want to spend an hour watching court - the gist is that 8 years ago an 18 year old kid signed up for the Army Reserves. The document he signed that day specifically stated that his term of service was 8 years. Truly forever to an 18 year old.

Anyway, despite a lengthy and detailed section about things that could change or extend the 8 years, nowhere in said document is there any mention of statute 12305. 12305 is Pentagon lingo for the "Stop-Loss" policy. Basically it says that if the President declares a state of "emergency" - the Army Reserve can require soldiers to stay until the "emergency" is over.

Really, that sounds reasonable. I mean, if we need you then we need you. But truly the intention had to be for purposefully narrow interpretation related to specialized training and some specific "emergency" situation. I mean, it is inconceivable that any individual soldier be so uniquely qualified for some task that they cannot be replaced. If such a thing were true the military could not continue. Once and a while it might be that some were closer or more available, but even in such cases, if it truly is mission critical, there has to be capable back-up. Right? The army knows the tour is ending. "Army of one" is really just an expression?

Well, not for a neo-con. 9/11/2001 provided the unparalleled opportunity for this President to declare a state of "emergency" against an idea. You do not kill ideas with guns. Murdering terrorist does not stop the idea of terrorism. There is no means of measure, no rules of engagement, and most importantly no desire of exit. 12305 wasn't the only handy statue to activate. The "emergency" requires us to bend, or just temporarily break, most of the rules. For the country. The policy is that the "emergency" will continue until we defeat terrorism. Now we can debate just what kind of torture is humane.

Do you give yourself freely to the Borg?

Of course, the radical extremist activist judges decided for Rumsfeld stating that the military was not bound by contract law. Thus, apparently, imaginary inclusion of the statue is sufficient. What it literally means is that the volunteer military have agreed to be slaves. There is no law against it. They must do what we say, forever.

Frankly, I find this obscene. Revolting, bureaucratic bullshit. It is without honor.

Also, I've never met anyone who served and would not, if the cause be just and they were the only one that could help, be happy to volunteer for a mission. It is the very nature of their being. It's why they signed up in the first place.

It highlights the world view the ruling class has always maintained. Despite the shroud of Democracy, the proletariat still stand on the backs of the people. Richer now than ever before. Entrenched into the most powerful and influential institutions on this whole world.

We are the sheep.

LET IT GO

Such greedy, horrible, self-important, power-addicted, manipulative, opportunistic zealots. That lump of cells is not alive. It doesn't know of sunshine or meadows or music or love or joy or sorrow. It's a meaningless curse of existence. I pray that the woman who did once live has long ago shed her malfunctioning mortal coil and escaped into whatever lay beyond.

If they only "cared" about REAL PEOPLE with the same "compassion" as they "claim" to have for the soulless lumps of cells. Cells that, remarkably, have the ability to pay.

Now, you have shown your true colors. You really are above it all - tradition, respect, civility, science, nature, state, law, constitution, life, death; you are supreme! Hail to thee and your powerful gun. Long live the fascist proletariat!!

Our entire earned-with-blood American history usurped in a single weekend by a select group with a TV camera. The core majority leadership in the broad daylight gleefully preserving their treasonous conspiracies into the record of history. May you enjoy the bounty of absolute power.

Are you now or have you ever been

morally incorrect?

Of course, if you have nothing to hide you'll be happy to answer.

I've been reflecting on the concept of "under oath". The very fact that we still engage in a ritualistic oath to truth is evidence that in general we are liars. Comfortable in our own interpretations so much that we simply choose to believe them.

To top it all off, pretending to be perfect is the exemplar of the righteous! Now we will point at you and scorn - just for fun.

Sending your high-school age boy off to play professional basketball is just as exploitive of his body as sending your high-school age girl off to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

We are all perverts.

Do not drill here

Adam the addict
couldn't get enough
a needle in his arm and
a party in his butt.

Woke up one morning
feeling scratchy like vinyl
Ninety days later all
the test results were final

Next thing you know
it's front page news
Base this monster and
you'll be screwed

Intelligent Evolution

I feel real pity for those who obviously believe their god is not capable of designing biological systems that evolve. These people who claim to know the very mind of god!

If we truly believe the literal words of primitives who could not comprehend stars, cells, atoms, or even the number zero, that is our choice. When we preach those words to others we become just another self-righteous heretic. If we encourage others to stop using their (remarkable, unique, god-given) minds, we encourage death. Where is the morality in that?

God is science. God is truth. It's a shame your beliefs prevent you from glimpsing the awe of either.

Happy persecuting!

True Evil

It is hard to comprehend such horrifying destruction. My heart goes out to the many thousands who's lives have been forever washed away.

Stop Requested

I own a condo at the corner of disappointment and frustration. I have a 24/7 pity party by invitation only.

Now the problem is, it's completely true. Doesn't really matter how well things are going, or how bad, I'll find a way back. Even the good deeds suck.

It is one of my biggest challenges in this life. The cup is only half full.

I had a dream last night that my condo burned down while I was at the doctor. I woke up abruptly when the insurance adjuster denied my claim. I think it means I need to buy a new toaster.

G.I. Jon

I used to think of career soldiers as grunts. Mindless, disposable, throwbacks; minions who've volunteered their brutality to execute the whims of the educated civility. I was alarmingly comfortable with that stereotype. Not only did it make certain political positions less monstrous, it was enough to justify tolerating using the [lives of the] military to make a principal point.

OK I will admit it, I also saw them as sex toys. "He couldn't ask if I was gay because his mouth was full of my growing cock." One of my first videos had the two superiors order the "private" to perform. I've never seen such dedication to duty. And just when we think it's all over, you gotta do the whole thing again.

Then one day early october my partner says "oh my brother is coming to visit for a week". "You're career army paratrooper brother who hasn't really seen you in years?" "Yea." "Should I stay home then?" "No, but maybe bring some pajama bottoms?" I'm thinking this is gonna be a disaster. This caveman guy is gonna show up and freak over his gay brother and lover who don't even have the towels washed. "Are you sure we shouldn't try to find him a cheap room somewhere?" "No, really, he's cool."

It turns out we had an extra day to do some laundry, and then, like clockwork, Jon arrives. First impression? Sex toy. Seriously. Fiery, built - hot. Oh shit! We sorta go through the standard pleasantries through the evening and the whole time, in my pjs, I keep looking for the grunt. But instead, he actually is cool. And smart? Downright thoughtful? Intellectual? Fair? Passionate? Funny? Wait what the hell is going on here? How can this be?

By the next night I'm back to hanging out in my underwear and have a vivid moment where I realized I trusted this stranger implicitly. I had finally found that quality I was looking for but instead of just a soldier, he is a warrior. He fights to protect a way of life that he cherishes. A way that he exemplifies, and a way that he inspires others to embrace. That whole glossy "army of one" hero thing, but in a practical, part-of-the-team, nothing special attitude. Worst part? If he's a real human being - maybe they all are. Oh dear God they are precious, unique, thirsty souls. That night the Red Sox beat the Yankees, to everyone's dismay.

As the week progressed it was like I felt like I was the one meeting a long-lost brother. Except for being straight, he's a lot like most of my friends! I mean Gen X, beer drinking, looses train of thought when a hot ass walks by, lively conversationist, blogs, spods, and pods. Even part geek. In some ways it's easier to talk to him than my partner, but I suppose that true of many brothers-in-law.

The Sox beat the Yankees? In the last four games? Whaaa? Damn you know what, I believe!

I was truly sorry to see Jon go. Frankly I think he could have used another week anyway, but really it's about all the uncertainty he's returning too. And perhaps the uncertainty that I return too... there was something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Then a few days later it occurred to me: Death. That was the underlying thing we three had in common. Every day we are called into our own battle which may lead to our demise. We wake up day after day, never quite knowing what the next challenge will be. We have been in situations where we should have died. We've been in situations where we've seen our brothers fall. We have felt the same helpless pain. His battle is with guns and terrorist. Ours is with meds and HIV. The pain is the same. The struggle is the same. The awareness of life is the same. The only real difference is that he knows almost to the day when his duty is fulfilled. When he will start a new life "cured" from the daily affliction that besieges him. He dares to dream of a life afterwards, which is a luxury I can not afford. Still, I found myself thinking perhaps "one day"... which in itself is new and hopeful.

So, sincerely, thank-you Jon, and all your brothers and sisters out there living what they think is right and doing what it takes to protect my freedom to live that way. I was so wrong! Heros come and go, but an inspiration can change the world. This blog has been inspired by your vibrant energy. I hope to share the joy of the reality of life and being human, now and for many years to come.

Ever since that week I have slept a little more soundly knowing people like Jon are on the job.

Please Hold On

OK, I know, I started the whole thing with a conjunction. BUT I have a good excuse! Dr. Rob Eichberg was the man who coined the phrase, "And there's more...". He was essentially referring to the richness and fullness of life and truth. I also found it an ironic reminder of how our language prevents us from sharing even the most important stuff because of time or circumstance. Anyhow, Rob was kind of a jerk, but in a really incredibly good way. He challenged me when I was young and invincible. He proved to me that love does conquer all. I miss him and do think about him often. He would have liked the blogs, they are a fantastic conduit for growth.

I'm not sure how well I will do at this, I already spend way to much time at the computer. But I think it can be a kind of outlet that I could really leverage for my sanity, and perhaps say some of the things that I never get the time to say. Sounds like fun, eh?!